Your dad touched me again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
