Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
