...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
