I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
