Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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