it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love having hate sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
