I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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