Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
