worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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