peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
