Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
