i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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