Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
