I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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