i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
