I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
