I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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