We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
