I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
