OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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