i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is Oprah even human
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
