I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
