I'm eating all of the evidence.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
