party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
