we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
