You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
