then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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