last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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