I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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