is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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