my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
