he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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