I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
