the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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