from now on my penis is your penis
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
