Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
