she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
