You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even my farts smell like vagina
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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