Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
