then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
