He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
