Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
