There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
