I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
