He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
