new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
