nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
