Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
