Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
