woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
