no. you can't hotbox the world.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
