He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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