Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're a waste of cheezeits
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
