I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
