I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
