my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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