Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
