I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
