I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
