If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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