I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
