you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
