do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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