I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
