After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
